my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
