I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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