It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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