never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
