Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
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The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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