You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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