So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
