someone threw a dead crab at me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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