i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
