a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
