Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
