i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
