Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
