did you get engaged???
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
