On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
there is puke in my bra ... again
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