Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
