worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
