Plan B is the new Plan A
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
