I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
