i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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