we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
