I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
