Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I fill condoms, not promises.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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