True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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