matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
