I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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