Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
