R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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