sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
