i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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