Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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