Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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