operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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