so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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