Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
