she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the day after is always just damage control
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
