i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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