____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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