that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
