I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
