P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
