I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
