Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
