Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
