i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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