I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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