Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
