i just had sex bonerless
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
