It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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