You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
