i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pants are for mortals
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
