Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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