I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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