Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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