She is in my trunk
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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