I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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