Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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