who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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