hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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