i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
