pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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