where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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