Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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