Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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