i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
