There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
