Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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