I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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