its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
