Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize