I need to stop coming to work sober
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
