I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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