i dedicated my morning wood to you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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