are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
