Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
