im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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