My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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