i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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