she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
