Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize