I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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