I wish I could teleport
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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